Dave Rat - Roadies in the Midst

We lost a roadie transporter unit on the trip. There is something spooky about that SLC to Denver drive and more than once I have had strange experiences on that road. If I ever get around to digging up my old journals I remember writing down some interesting stories of trips through there. And whatever inspired someone to put a giant Brontosaurus on the side of the road and name a town dinosaur, clearly had no idea of the trauma that would cause some already lost and unsuspecting hallucinatory sleep deprived punkers. Talk about thinking you made a wrong turn. Add in all the crazy lightning and insta-storm thunder explosions and cops that have that backwoods mentality of shaking down the undesirables and that trip was a bit of a gauntlet run back in the day.

But now we ride in the comforts of our bunks in a professionally driven land yachts. Well at least some of the "we's" did. One busload of "we's", bus #1 to be specific, lost all the motor coolant 150 miles out of SLC and were scooped up and divided into busses #3 and #5 to do a cramped over packed trip showing up six hours behind busses #2 and #4 arriving at noon. The only good part was that bus #2, my bus, was so far ahead that turning around was not feasible. Though we could feel slight compassion for our delayed comrades, fortunately we were not personally inconvenienced and were well rested enough to give them a hard time when they finally made it in.

The realities of traveling in these luxurious sardine cans at high speeds while sleeping also came crashing into clear focus when bus #1 took a hit earlier this tour leg. From what I heard, a wayward truck tire slammed into its front bumper from across the highway with enough force to mash the bus up a bit while and test the crews ability to restrain themselves from pissing in their bunks. Just take a moment to admire these sexy land yachts that carry the precious roadie cargo from city to city:

No land yacht is complete without its brave bus captain. These specialized and highly navigationally developed roadies are amazing in their ability to operate equally well diurnally and nocturnally. Here we can see bus captain roadie Brian caring for his precious land yacht:

The sometimes nomadic,

Dave Rat

MGIIMBIIHS!

Last night we did an overnight drive from Boise and I must say that I appreciating the bus ride over driving the equipment truck. I have done the run that we will do tomorrow between Denver and SLC on a few tours driving after a a long day setting up PA gear, bouncing stage, doing monitors and then driving again afterwards. I sure don't miss trying not to crash those slow beat up bobtail trucks on tour with no sleep. And hey, speaking of driving trucks, here is a picture from Black Flag's Loose Nut tour in '85 of some of us standing on the truck I drove on that tour:

From left to right is Cel who played bass for Flag on that last tour, Vince was the guitar player for the band Painted Willie, Davo was front of house sound for Flag, Joe Cole was the Rat Sound tech that worked with me, Dave Markey played drums for Painted Willie and the last one is me.

And though I didn't drive, I still did not sleep much, lots of winding highway and up down pressure changes heading out of the mile high city and up again. Did I mention my skateboard died? Well it was crushed to death by amazingly agile ollie'ing and somewhat inebriated big boned girl outside the peppers dressing room a few show back. I actually heard but unfortunately missed the event, though I was told it was a sight to see. Anyway, I persuaded a two friends to take me out for a replacement to a skate shop and it was a cool little adventure. Not only did I score a new deck but I could not resist this bamboo flex unbreakable long board:

So now I have a way to cruise a bit farther from the gig.

Speaking of gigs, here is a shot of SLC load in and two of the most important roadies on the tour for keeping this monster machine running. On the left is roadie Liam who takes care of very important things and does stuff that is also important. Center we have Big Bill Rahmy, also known in pro wrestling circles as "The Crusher." I have had the privilege of knowing Big Bill for many years, since we were both little roadie pups. Liam, well, he is a Canadian roadie and since roadies get bored very easily if you do not continuously give them a hard time for anything and everything you possibly can, being Canadian is fair game for endless and redundant ribbing.

**** The Order of Roadientia (pronounced Roadie-en-sha)****

A unique and not very large group of mammals is the Roadientia. Many nomadic mammals are roadies: there are about 43 known living roadie species (out of about 4,000 living mammals overall). Many people are familiar with lampies, humm heads, guitar jockeys, and noise boys which are occasionally kept as pets. The Roadientia also includes squeaks, squints, ampers, lampers, rampers, prairie dogs, marmots, chinchillas, voles, lemmings, and many others. (Incidentally, the Roadientia does not include muso; muso's differ from roadies in that they often know how to actually play an instrument or they pretend so well hat people like to watch. Muso's include singers, guitar players, drummers, and a few other species make up the Artistia. Groupies, shrews, moles and hedgehogs are also not roadies; they are classified in the Punterentia.)

Roadies are found native on all continents except Antarctica. One particular family of roadies, the Truck Driver, contains over 1100 species: Though many researchers argue that truck drivers are not true roadies even with their close association with the road itself. Despite their morphological and ecological diversity, all roadies share one characteristic: their hands are highly specialized for handling wires. All roadies handle and have an overwhelming affinity for wires.

**** End Order - Roadientia ****

It is very important that you take notes as there will be a test at the end of the semester. And rather than bore you with band shots, here is the very interesting rear stage left corner of the venue.

The happy to have a functioning skateboard,

Dave Rat

BB!

Wow! The unfriendly item that visually resembles a bed located in my hotel room really makes me miss my bus bunk. I am not sure if it is the sandpaper sheets, spring board pillows or just the fact that the bed is so unusually short giving the short sheeted feeling which I most appreciate. At least all those other things distract from the similarity between whatever is located where the mattress belongs and with the comfort level of cardboard.

Off to the gig and Hey Look!

Trucks and busses all over the place, I wonder what's going on? Oh boy, I hope there is going to be a rock show, I love rock shows!

I have been meaning to post this pic or one like it. For some reason, I think it is so cool how cell phones have evolved and become the preferred modern day method of the audience doing the slow song 'lighter' illumination:

There is just something magical about using a cell phone as a modern day emotional candle.

Today's show featured special guests The Mars Volta:

Surprisingly followed by The Red Hot Chili Peppers for a change:

That's it for today, Hey, what are y'all doing tomorrow? Want to go to Salt Lake City?

Until then,

The very mobile,

Dave Rat

IASEIBAMYAICNWTTYOAR!

A full day off immersed of sunshine in a city with a river within walking distance, left me no option but to exhibit my expertise as a fisherman. Coercing roadie Wayno (Wayno is long over due for a dedicated blog post, soon to come) and roadie Sam into joining me on the expedition was a challenge indeed. Fist I asked them and then they said yes. Then after considerable time spent walking in circles and gathering essential supplies, we finally arrived at our destination riverside.

Tucked away on the bank of the flowing river with not another soul in sight other than the hundreds of people floating by on inner tubes, we laid our deadly lines into the watery depths.

After several hours of rigorous sitting we began to realize that it was quite obvious that the river was 'out of service.' What we did not realize is that nothing could have prepared us for what was to happen next. As Sam was casting his line in the river, just a few short yards away, the peaceful relaxation was shattered by the shock and horror of watching my cell phone attempt to take it's life by leaping into the river. Dashing to it's rescue, my selfless hand risked its own life and dived in after the distraught phone, pulling it ashore. My frivolous attempts at mouth to phone resuscitation failed as I sucked away the murky river water.

Through my grief, I was able to muster the energy to capture a picture of the scene of the heartbreaking event:

Near lifeless, it lay upon the shore and I know what you must be thinking "He went fishing and the only thing he fished out of the lake was his cell phone." And technically you are correct, but hey, how many people do you think, other than me, caught a cell phone, today? Ha ha! Still another great day as a fisherman!

The recovering

Dave Rat

TMIVMETYAFYS!

**** Approaching a Roadie - Etiquette ****

By request, I have put together a brief list of useful roadie terms. Using these words when approaching or attempting to converse with a roadie is highly recommended as it will put the roadie at ease.

When referring to a person that works with lighting, use the endearing term "Lampi" or if you really want to win their favor call him or her a "Squint."

Sound related roadies of both male and female persuasion bask in being addressed as "Noise Boys" or "Squeaks."

Any roadie having anything to do with video always with appreciates the the loving moniker "Vidiot."

Riggers who climb and do all the hanging of stuff from the ceiling are always warmed by being called "Monkeys."

When approaching a roadie in the wild, it is usually best to test the waters of safety by shouting "hey roadie!" really loud from a safe distance before running towards them at a very high rate of speed.

FOH (Front of House), refers to the shangri-la of blissful happiness that holds the caged roadies on display in the middle of the audience area. These special caged roadies are generally considered safer and less likely to bite than their counterparts that are displayed behind the security forces guarding the back stage area.

SWAG (stuff we all get) would be considered the equivalent of a 'roadie peanut.' Basically SWAG items are the treats given to roadies by the patrons. Watching roadies get SWAG is amusing to the givers like feeding an elephant or having a little goat eat snacks from your hand. It is always wise to bring little bits of SWAG for the roadies as this makes them very happy.

**** End Roadie Etiquette ****

Upon arriving in Boise, I spent a most enjoyable afternoon hanging with Lampi Scott and his twin 6 year old daughters whom have joined us till Arizona. All Good!

Dave Rat

TIWETYMLR!

After line check Nick the Fly and I went for hike. Figuring White River Amphitheater may be actually near a river and with the little help from Google map on my phone, off we went. Hey, if you have not checked out Google Earth or the mobile Google map with satellite view, I highly recommend you do. To be able to see an accurate aerial view of where you stand is beyond cool. Ok, so we are hiking and we pass a house and then a few hundred feet later stumble across a flowers, toys, mounds of dirt and tombstones. It just is not that often, like never, that I see fresh graves in someone's backyard. Just the thought of heading out back to dig a hole when a family member dies seems so awkwardly 1800's. Slightly phased we forge ahead down an overgrown dirt road heading down. Farther and deeper we next come across another graveyard but this one is for late model trucks and an an El Camino wedged under blackberry bushes. And just then the grunts and yelps of a dozen or so in drunken party come into focus with one loud gurgle definitely tossed in our direction. We still had yet to cross the small stream with the leg of a split hoofed animal floating in it and I am having a tough time getting thoughts of the movie Deliverance out of my mind. Two small streams later, neither with floating legs, Nick and I call it a wrap and head back while the getting is good. Indian land, sovereign nation, scary while also intriguing and kind of cool in its primal lawlessness feel. It was good hike and time to head back to the rock show a half mile away.

All this walking has made me hungry and though I had my share of lunch:

I am excited about dinner:

I enjoyed the first half of The Mars Volta's set before heading back to get my world together for the Peppers set. Except Mars stops playing early. I heard something about a bottle of liquid, possibly piss being thrown, landing on Omar's guitar effects pedal board and making things not work anymore. How do people come up with such bad ideas? Well, since neither The Mars nor their gear were too excited about the aerial gift that was that and that meant the end of their set. Here is what it looked liked pre-projectile:

And you can see the EAW KF760 rig provided by our friends at Carlson Audio. Visually the rig seemed to be a bit shy but actually it sounded quite good and worked just fine. It was the best experience so of mixing on a non V-Dosc system since we started the tour and the first real experience for me to have some time on this particular system type. I think I now have my second favorite rig for Peppers but it will take more than one show to know for sure.

And finally, since you are joining me on this journey, you may as well hang at the sound board for a gig and it will look something like this:

or it could look like this, depending on how much you drink:

Roadie research, must remember to do roadie research.

Good night.

Dave Rat

AWWIGCOYMAMYIAPT!

The way I see the world, the natural environment that surrounds us is a beautiful balance between function and ramification. Everything living is a complex combination of useful function related aspects. Whether it is the claws of a mole to dig, wings of a bird to fly or the colorings of a chimpanzee's ass that attracts a mate, nearly every aspect of all things living, almost by the definition of life itself, has a purpose that is self refining over generations. Plants, animals, insects, everything alive is either a harmonious compilation of usefulness or tilting towards extinction, inherently, automatically and naturally. Non-living entities like rocks, rivers and volcanoes are by nature, a product of ramification. Water flows to the lowest point, continental shifts force earth into mountains and pressure, heat and time can form rocks and diamonds.

When the things that we humans create encompass a usefulness, form and the corresponding beauty, they permeate our society as they are embraced by the humans that desire those beneficial and enjoyable aspects like phones, things with wheels and shoes. Conversely, when I encounter items that are promoted as amazing but lack that harmony and instead present a fictitious illusion of manipulative deception, I become filled with frustration and anger. An alertness to a trap and the defense mechanisms that we train in children not to take candy from a stranger or the distaste felt for shysters manipulating old ladies out of life savings kicks in.

Today I connected some gear together with a two foot long piece of pure silver multi-conductor esoteric hi-fi wire with shiny over-sized logo-empossed connector shells. Like a magical potion it claims on the packaging to improve clarity and transparency for the discerning ear and blah blah blah. The fact that it is just a glorified printer cable and the signal it carries is a digital numeric stream of numbers that either are right or wrong and there is not a clarity improvement option and if it does anything other than pass the fairly simple signal, it is screwing things up, must not have occurred to the maker, or did it? I am sorry to say that there is a huge industry dedicated to selling false magic to the soft minded.

I try and justify in my mind that the people suckered into purchasing these things deserve to be scammed because they are not sharp enough to see through it. Possibly the balance is perfect and the harmony of the scammers and scammed is not unlike the the cooperation of a parasite and and its host. As harmless as it seems, it infuriates me or could it be jealousy that I just do not have it in me to deceive and manipulate the unaware? Those magic knowers selling the un provable to the masses, pitching fears of 'bad sound' to open the wallets of the often normally reasonable people. Hmmmm, selling on fears and promising invisible outcomes, it reminds me of something else but I just can't put me finger on it.

Anyway, the silly cables are what came with some of the gear and having them is better than not. At least I thought so until I went to plug in these oversized cumbersome wires, with ego embossed shells and found that they were too big to fit the tight spaces and had they been normal $20 versions instead of the $250 type, they would have fit fine. Plus the super thick wire was a bummer to force in the tight spaces. A perfect example of something that should be extinct or better yet, never created.

**** Begin Audio Tips ****

Tip 1 - If anyone ever tries to sell you audio wire that is directional "It will sound better if the sound travels a certain way through it," laugh at them before relegating them to either the scammer or the sucker realm. Audio travels both ways in wire and if a wire were to let audio travel one way better than the other, it is creating distortion that would sound really bad, it is highly likely that they have been vacuumed into the realm of delusional esoteric audio, which is a lot like a cult.

Tip 2 - Gold connectors look cool and sound the same as the other ones. If you like the way they look, cool, if you think they sound better, well I have some swamp land to sell you.

Tip 3 - Great sound is an opinion, so when someone says that plugging your stereo into a $200 audio AC wall outlet will make it sound better, it could be true. Just like if someone has the opinion that 'the world is secretly run by an army of honey bees operating complex remote control machines located in the center of the sun' could be true. No way to prove either one of those opinions and in my opinion they are both about equally probable.

**** End Audio Tips ****

Ok, done having a tantrum.

**** Begin Actually Posting about the Gig ****

First show kicks off the US tour and it is all good! I love Europe, I love traveling and I am so happy to be in my home time zone. Fluidity, everything is so much easier here. Phones work properly. Cars are all driving on the right side of the street and have stopped trying to run me down for looking the wrong way. I no longer need pile of various adaptors to plug in my stuff and and I can severely curtail my usage of the word 'what?' when addressing just about everyone that is not traveling with us because the local accent/language is incompatible with my hearing and my I can give my poor tired passport a well deserved rest.

It was a busy day reconstructing all the production for everyone. A lot of the gear is the same but a lot is different as well. Even slight changes create assorted interface and cabling issues. We actually left the main Rat Sound PA system in Europe to be reconfigured and do the upcoming Pearl Jam tour over there. For Peppers US we have a nearly identical but a bit larger system.

And as an added bonus, we pick up Mars Volta as the support act and they are a truly unique, powerful and incredible band to see.

I have mixed sound for them in the past, toured with them previously and am quite happy to have more good friends around and a whole new set of roadies to document!

The Peppers show was refreshing, raw, enjoyable and set a great tone for the many shows ahead.

**** End Gig World ****

The occasionally traumatized

Dave Rat

YCNHBFTDOYPYAMTB!

I awoke sleeping next to my laptop and while cell phone was getting all excited about it's morning alarm sound, and a good morning to all the wires and lights. Attempting to check my email before having coffee I found my eyes were not quite ready yet for that adventure. What they could see though was "Terror Plot Thwarted!" humans captured and a picture of lots of people hanging out at an airport.

Hmmmm, maybe this is good news. I do like people and maybe some of them will be hanging out at the airport that I am heading to. I begin to think of all the new friends I could make. I also begin to think about how I may need to allot some extra 'friend meeting time' into my pre-plane-flight-day and start to wish I had finished packing my bags yesterday.

I did some reading and found that it may not be the best plan to carry liquids on the airplane today, I also read that they were banning laptops, cell phones, car alarm key chain things and iPod's. The liquids I can deal with but all that other stuff brings thoughts of horror to be separated from all those roadie necessities. Anxiety sets in, while I remind myself that it is only a two hour flight.

**** Highlight of the Day ****

Just a minute or so after the taxi picks me up, my phone rings. It's my neighbor Judy. She has lived in the house next door since she was a young girl, takes walks every morning with her sister and is just amazing. Well, she knew I was leaving today and was waiting for me to head out but was not fast enough to catch me before I zoomed off. She called to be sure I knew about all the plane traumas. It just made me so happy that she was looking out for me. Judy is cool!

**** End Highlight of the Day ****

Turned out that the liquid ban was real, the laptop/cell ban was not, at least where I was flying from. Must have been a guy writing those rules because I can bring a laptop with wireless remote capabilities powered by batteries that can explode and emit toxic gas if you mess with them on the plane while the women are denied their strawberry glitter lip gloss. Let us take a moment of silence in remembrance of the thousands and thousands of cosmetics that will pass away today and be forever separated from their female companions. Tears were shed but safety first.

Earlier when I was checking in my bags, the airline lady says to me "Do you have any liquids, toothpaste, water, liquid medications without a prescription or and thing in a gelatinous state in your carry on luggage?, these will need to be checked and will not be permitted in your carry on bags." I tell her that I have already put that stuff in my checked bags and then I asked her "What about all the other stuff that used to be bad like stuff given to me by a stranger, packing my own bags and firearms, are they ok now?" She laughed and and told me that they just assume we already know that. Hmmmm.

Personally, I think I prefer the old way and I fear not the lip gloss itself, it is only when it goes on the lips of the wearer that it becomes potentially dangerous, but I am pretty sure airplanes are immune to that type of danger.

All in all, travel restrictions and issues tend to be less than optimum for the touring industry, lets hope the powers that be can keep their heads on straight and not make any irrational decisions. Hee hee hee .... no lip gloss!

Helloooooo Portland!

Oh, and since I hate to deny you at least one photo, here is another blast from the past.

This was taken on Black Flag's Slip It In tour 1984 and is the opening band, St. Vidas setting up their gear. Take special note of the sound system to room ratio. If you are curious about a bit more on that old school Rat PA gear, take a look here: http://www.ratsound.com/evolution/evol1.html

The often puzzled

Dave Rat

IAGTTYALARDYFB!